Boundaries.

June, 2006

Just finished reading Jim Belushi's book, 'Real Men Don't Apologize.'

On balance a very good book. I had some qualms, some issues with references I didn't follow, some advice I'd disagree with.

But on balance, a very respectable entry into the world of coaching for men.

I think one of the things I like most about it is that the world of coaching for men is stepping into it's own - last year I read a great book on taking chances and pushing yourself from a former Navy SEAL - this year well known actor (and prototype 'Guy's Guy' opens up in a way that's vulnerable without being wussy, strong without being abnoxious.

One of the entries I liked most about his book was a passage on boundaries.

Having completed my relationship coaching certification, the topic of identifying and sticking to your relationship requirements was of paramount importance.

Belushi puts this concept into his own terms - first in terms of the caveman and the three personas a man should embrace - the Clint (Eastwood, strength), the Ghandi (spiritual sensitivity) and the Curly (Howard, humor):

"Then our caveman friend bared his teeth and smacked his ass to let his woman know he was unwavering, an early Clint.

Oh sure, she was upset. But she realized her caveman was right...And even though she was mad, she respected our caveman's strength for standing his ground. He set boundaries. He established rules for the relationship."

He goes on to write about how those boundaries will be put to the test in a relationship:

"So in order to make sure their men are strong, women need to test us. And if your want your relationship to work, you have to pass the test.

It starts with little things...Ask yourself: Does it compromise my agreements with myself, my terms? Does what she asks me to compromise me as a man?

...The longer you are in a relationship, however the tougher the tests become."

And there you have it. Tests are part of a relationship, the only thing you can do is determine which battles are worth fighting, which parts of your life are worth a sit down.

(That's mob talk for 'working things out.' :)

- Razr